3 Boundaries for My Autistic Son

For my autistic son to become fully independent and a kind person, we need these 3 crucial boundaries. First, we need  time management. Second, we need  emotional boundaries. Third, we need  personal responsibility. Let’s dive into why these are essential and how they can make a difference.

Teenage And Beyond Challenges

We’ve been dealing with grumpiness since Jacob became a teenager. His body is going through changes, and he also takes seizure medication. Now, throw in autism and ADHD, and you’ve got a lot going on for sure! I’m not alone: https://autism-parents.com/2023/05/my-autistic-son-is-driving-me-insane/

Jacob used to be ready for a picture or video, always with a smile on his face, but then puberty struck, and we haven’t been able to get that happy-go-lucky kid back. 😔📸

Overcoming Extra Help and Spoiling

Now, the problem we are facing is that because the people surrounding Jacob know his struggles, we are helping out too much, and he’s come to expect all the extra help. He’s a bit spoiled and needs to learn to appreciate those around him and show love. He expects all the help without showing the gratitude he should. 🙏💔

Establishing Boundaries for Growth

To help Jacob grow into a responsible and independent adult, we need to set clear boundaries. These boundaries will help him manage his time better, regulate his emotions, and take personal responsibility for his actions. By setting these limits, we’re not only preparing Jacob for independence but also teaching him to be respectful and considerate of others. 🌟

Sometimes you need alternatives to living in the same house, here is one story I found: https://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/difficult-decision-place-my-autistic-son-group-home-247-support

In this post, I’ll share how we’re implementing these boundaries and why they are desperately needed for my autistic son’s development. Check out this post too: Autism mom, what happens when being a hands on mom doesn’t stop at 18? If you’re facing similar challenges, I hope our story can offer some insights and encouragement.

Boundaries for My Autistic Son

In our journey to help Jacob become independent and respectful, we’ve identified three key boundaries:  Time Management, Emotional Boundaries, and Personal Responsibility. Let’s break down each one and how we’re tackling them. 🚀

Time Management ⏰

For your autistic child, understanding the importance of being punctual and respecting time boundaries can be challenging. Here’s what we’re doing to manage this:

Set Clear Expectations: Clearly communicate when tasks or activities need to be completed. Use visual timers/visual schedules and clocks to help your child understand deadlines. 🕰️

Consistency and Consequences:  Be consistent and enforce consequences if expectations aren’t met. For example, if your child consistently fails to finish homework on time, establish a consequence like losing privileges. For Jacob, this means no Amazon order on Friday. 📦❌

Creating a routine around time helps build predictability, reducing anxiety and encouraging punctuality. And remember, even if it’s tough at first, stick to your guns! 💪

Emotional Boundaries 😌

Helping your child understand and respect their own emotions, as well as those of others, is crucial. Here’s our approach:

– Teach Appropriate Expression: Guide your child in expressing their feelings without aggression or manipulation. Use tools like emotion charts or social stories to illustrate how to handle different emotions. 📚

– Encourage Open Communication: Use visual schedules or choice boards to facilitate communication about their day. Practice active listening within the family, ensuring everyone’s emotions are acknowledged and validated. 👂❤️

– Consequences for Negative Behavior: If Jacob uses mean faces with sarcastic movie quotes because he’s feeling a certain way, there will be consequences. Loss of privileges is our go-to, because we refuse to live with someone who’s difficult and doesn’t show love and gratitude. 🥲

We all have our off days, but it’s essential to live together without making each other miserable. Jacob is very emotional and wants everyone to feel his pain/anger/angst when he’s feeling it too! Heavy sigh… 😩

Personal Responsibility 👊

Your autistic child needs to understand the importance of taking responsibility for their actions and choices. Here’s what we’re doing:

– Set Clear Boundaries: Establish and communicate expectations for behavior. We use Visual Schedules and routine to help! Hold your child accountable for their actions. 🗣️

– Encourage Problem-Solving: Motivate them to find solutions independently. Use social story books, videos, and even movies like *Inside Out*, which explores emotions. This helps build independence and self-reliance. 📖🎬

– Consistency Is Key: Be firm and consistent with consequences. No giving in and changing the rules, even if you’re tempted! 😅

By teaching personal responsibility, you’re helping your child develop critical life skills. They’ll learn that their actions have consequences and that they are capable of handling challenges. 🌟

Learning and Adjustments Needed 🎉

Setting these boundaries for Jacob is an ongoing process, filled with learning and adjustments. With patience and consistency, we’re seeing positive changes. We’re implementing our  CALM framework to stay focused:

– Consistent Action Forward: By taking consistent steps towards our goals, we’re building routines and habits that help Jacob succeed. 🚀

– Always Celebrate Wins: Recognize and celebrate each victory, no matter how small. Celebrating small steps forward keeps us motivated and positive. 🏆

– Learning to Create Schedules: Scheduling and routines are essential tools in helping Jacob manage his time and emotions. Creating and sticking to schedules empowers him to become more independent. 📅

– Mindset: Our mindset as parents is crucial. By staying positive and focusing on progress, we remain motivated and keep moving forward. 🌈

Not Just Discipline

These boundaries aren’t just about discipline; they’re about empowering Jacob to thrive as an independent and respectful individual. 🎊

I’m currently reading, Boundaries With Kids, by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. It’s a great resource for understanding how to set effective boundaries. You can read more in this article: https://www.cloudtownsend.com/what-do-you-mean-boundaries-by-dr-henry-cloud-and-dr-john-townsend/ 

I hope our experiences provide helpful insights and encouragement for your journey with your autistic child. Remember, you’re not alone, and every small step forward is a victory worth celebrating! 🎈