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  • Why these 3 boundaries are desperately needed for my autistic son?

    3 Boundaries for My Autistic Son

     

    Why-are-these-3-boundaries-desperately-needed-for-my-autistic-son-Autism-Mom-
    Boundaries are Necessary for Everyone!

    For my autistic son to become fully independent and a kind person, we need these 3 crucial boundaries. First, we need  time management. Second, we need  emotional boundaries. Third, we need  personal responsibility. Let’s dive into why these are essential and how they can make a difference.

    Teenage And Beyond Challenges

    We’ve been dealing with grumpiness since Jacob became a teenager. His body is going through changes, and he also takes seizure medication. Now, throw in autism and ADHD, and you’ve got a lot going on for sure! I’m not alone: https://autism-parents.com/2023/05/my-autistic-son-is-driving-me-insane/

    Jacob used to be ready for a picture or video, always with a smile on his face, but then puberty struck, and we haven’t been able to get that happy-go-lucky kid back. 😔📸

    Overcoming Extra Help and Spoiling

    Now, the problem we are facing is that because the people surrounding Jacob know his struggles, we are helping out too much, and he’s come to expect all the extra help. He’s a bit spoiled and needs to learn to appreciate those around him and show love. He expects all the help without showing the gratitude he should. 🙏💔

    Establishing Boundaries for Growth

    Checklist
    Setting Boundaries for Your Child with Autism

    To help Jacob grow into a responsible and independent adult, we need to set clear boundaries. These boundaries will help him manage his time better, regulate his emotions, and take personal responsibility for his actions. By setting these limits, we’re not only preparing Jacob for independence but also teaching him to be respectful and considerate of others. 🌟

    Sometimes you need alternatives to living in the same house, here is one story I found: https://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/difficult-decision-place-my-autistic-son-group-home-247-support

    In this post, I’ll share how we’re implementing these boundaries and why they are desperately needed for my autistic son’s development. Check out this post too: Autism mom, what happens when being a hands on mom doesn’t stop at 18? If you’re facing similar challenges, I hope our story can offer some insights and encouragement.

    Boundaries for My Autistic Son

    In our journey to help Jacob become independent and respectful, we’ve identified three key boundaries:  Time Management, Emotional Boundaries, and Personal Responsibility. Let’s break down each one and how we’re tackling them. 🚀

    Time Management

    For your autistic child, understanding the importance of being punctual and respecting time boundaries can be challenging. Here’s what we’re doing to manage this:

    Set Clear Expectations: Clearly communicate when tasks or activities need to be completed. Use visual timers/visual schedules and clocks to help your child understand deadlines. 🕰️

    Consistency and Consequences:  Be consistent and enforce consequences if expectations aren’t met. For example, if your child consistently fails to finish homework on time, establish a consequence like losing privileges. For Jacob, this means no Amazon order on Friday. 📦❌

    Creating a routine around time helps build predictability, reducing anxiety and encouraging punctuality. And remember, even if it’s tough at first, stick to your guns! 💪

    C onsistant Action forward A lways Celebrate Wins L earning to Create Schedules M indset
    C.A.L.M.-Our Frameworks!
    Emotional Boundaries 😌

    Helping your child understand and respect their own emotions, as well as those of others, is crucial. Here’s our approach:

    – Teach Appropriate Expression: Guide your child in expressing their feelings without aggression or manipulation. Use tools like emotion charts or social stories to illustrate how to handle different emotions. 📚

    – Encourage Open Communication: Use visual schedules or choice boards to facilitate communication about their day. Practice active listening within the family, ensuring everyone’s emotions are acknowledged and validated. 👂❤️

    – Consequences for Negative Behavior: If Jacob uses mean faces with sarcastic movie quotes because he’s feeling a certain way, there will be consequences. Loss of privileges is our go-to, because we refuse to live with someone who’s difficult and doesn’t show love and gratitude. 🥲

    We all have our off days, but it’s essential to live together without making each other miserable. Jacob is very emotional and wants everyone to feel his pain/anger/angst when he’s feeling it too! Heavy sigh… 😩

    Personal Responsibility 👊

    Your autistic child needs to understand the importance of taking responsibility for their actions and choices. Here’s what we’re doing:

    – Set Clear Boundaries: Establish and communicate expectations for behavior. We use Visual Schedules and routine to help! Hold your child accountable for their actions. 🗣️

    – Encourage Problem-Solving: Motivate them to find solutions independently. Use social story books, videos, and even movies like *Inside Out*, which explores emotions. This helps build independence and self-reliance. 📖🎬

    – Consistency Is Key: Be firm and consistent with consequences. No giving in and changing the rules, even if you’re tempted! 😅

    By teaching personal responsibility, you’re helping your child develop critical life skills. They’ll learn that their actions have consequences and that they are capable of handling challenges. 🌟

    Learning and Adjustments Needed 🎉

    Setting these boundaries for Jacob is an ongoing process, filled with learning and adjustments. With patience and consistency, we’re seeing positive changes. We’re implementing our  CALM framework to stay focused:

    Consistent Action Forward: By taking consistent steps towards our goals, we’re building routines and habits that help Jacob succeed. 🚀

    Always Celebrate Wins: Recognize and celebrate each victory, no matter how small. Celebrating small steps forward keeps us motivated and positive. 🏆

    Learning to Create Schedules: Scheduling and routines are essential tools in helping Jacob manage his time and emotions. Creating and sticking to schedules empowers him to become more independent. 📅

    Mindset: Our mindset as parents is crucial. By staying positive and focusing on progress, we remain motivated and keep moving forward. 🌈

    Not Just Discipline

    These boundaries aren’t just about discipline; they’re about empowering Jacob to thrive as an independent and respectful individual. 🎊

    I’m currently reading, Boundaries With Kids, by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. It’s a great resource for understanding how to set effective boundaries. You can read more in this article: https://www.cloudtownsend.com/what-do-you-mean-boundaries-by-dr-henry-cloud-and-dr-john-townsend/ 

    I hope our experiences provide helpful insights and encouragement for your journey with your autistic child. Remember, you’re not alone, and every small step forward is a victory worth celebrating! 🎈

     

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  • How my husband changes Jacob’s bad mood with music! #musicandautism.

    Change the Tune 🎶

    Music and autism, my husband uses music to improve Jacob’s bad mood. When Jacob starts repeating negative or angst-filled movie quotes, music becomes our go-to tool to redirect his focus and uplift his spirits. 🎥➡️🎵

    We’ve discovered that music he gets excited about—whether it’s tunes we enjoy together or soundtracks from his favorite movies—can work wonders. Below are a couple of playlists that Jacob loves when David is DJing. 🎧🎸

    As parents of children with autism, especially those with limited language skills, finding effective ways to manage emotions and behaviors is crucial. The power of music is AMAZING! Last week, I shared how sign language has significantly helped Jacob. This week, I want to show you how music can also be a fantastic way to redirect a bad mood. 🎤

    It’s hard to stay mad when you’re singing or dancing! Whether your child has expressive language delays or simply needs a mood boost, integrating music into your daily routine can create moments of joy and connection. 🌟

    Join me as we explore the magic of music and how it can transform challenging moments into opportunities for fun and engagement. Check out previous posts:How does mindset change things when raising a child with autism? 🧩

    The Challenge of Sarcastic Quotes 🎬

    When Jacob seems to be stuck in a loop of sarcastic movie quotes, he’s intent on making sure everyone knows the mood he’s feeling. He’s not able to just explain himself or what’s going on inside, as he doesn’t have typical conversations. This can make it hard to understand his emotions and thoughts.

    Using Positive Movie Quotes 🎥

    We use movie quotes from happier parts of the story or ones he enjoys saying frequently. I’m pretty good at this, but his dad and brother are much better at movie quotes because they can really do the voices and impersonations well. 🎭

    Activities and Music Therapy For Autism🎸

    Jacob’s dad excels as the house DJ. Being a musician, he intuitively starts playing Jacob’s favorite upbeat songs to shift his mood. Here’s a blog post I found on music therapy: https://www.theautismpage.com/music-and-autism-music-activities-and-music-therapy/  

    Music therapy has real results with the population of children with autism spectrum disorder. Here is another source to see:http://chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://www.musictherapy.org/assets/1/7/MT_Autism_2012.pdf

    Here are some playlists we use:

    Upbeat Songs from Movies and Shows

    • Water Buffalo – Veggie Tales
    • Belly Button – Veggie Tales
    • Pizza Angel – Veggie Tales
    • Larry Boy (Rock On) – Veggie Tales
    • In the Belly of the Whale – Jonah

    Classic Rock Hits

    • Don’t Bring Me Down – ELO
    • Shining Star – Earth, Wind & Fire
    • I Can Help – Billy Swan
    • Somewhere Only We Know – Keane

    Worship and Praise Songs

    • I’m Not Ashamed – Newsboys
    • Take Me To Your Leader – Newsboys
    • Wherever We Go – Newsboys
    • Shine – Newsboys
    • In The Belly Of The Whale – Newsboys

    This doesn’t come naturally to me, but it does for my husband. He plays guitar, and music is his go-to for himself and for Jacob. The rhythm and familiarity of the music work wonders in redirecting Jacob’s mood from negative to positive. Let’s learn how autism and music can work together to increase positive feelings🎶

    #musicandautism
    Music and Autism, change the tune!

    Integrating Music into School 📚

    Seeing how well music works with Jacob, I’ve started using YouTube at school, keeping music in the background. It can be challenging to find playlists with safe lyrics, so I stick with what I know. I don’t have time to vet all modern songs for lyrics, so I choose ones I’m certain are appropriate. 🎧

    Music has a positive impact not just on Jacob but also on my students. It helps them, and me, get through the day with a better mood and more focus.  Music and autism  go together because it engages and can calm a child with autism, so give it a try!

    The Influence of Music on Emotions 🎵

    Music can influence your feelings toward movie characters, enhance drama, fear, and even happiness! At home, we use music to promote happiness or increase stamina for cleaning or working out. It’s a powerful tool for setting the tone and energy of any activity. 🏃‍♂️

    The Mental Health Benefits of Music 🎧💆‍♀️

    Music isn’t just beneficial for children with autism; it’s also a powerful tool for parents. Managing the complexities of raising a child with autism can be stressful and emotionally draining. Integrating music into your daily routine can be a great way to boost your mental health and overall well-being. 🌈

    Increasing Positive Emotions

    Listening to your favorite songs can elevate your mood and increase positive emotions. Whether it’s a song that brings back happy memories or an upbeat tune that gets you moving, music has the power to lift your spirits and bring a smile to your face. 😄

    Decreasing Anxiety and Stress in autistic children

    Music is also effective in decreasing anxiety and stress. Gentle, soothing music can create a calming environment, helping to lower stress levels and promote relaxation. For moments of high stress or when you need a break, playing calming music can be a quick way to reset and find peace. 🧘‍♀️

    Choosing the Right Music

    It’s important to choose music that will lift your mood and change your tune positively. Create playlists that include songs you love, whether they are relaxing instrumentals or energetic tracks. Here are some tips:

    • Mood Boosters: Include songs that make you feel happy and energized.
    • Relaxation Tracks: Add calming instrumentals or nature sounds for moments when you need to de-stress.
    • Sing-Alongs: Include tracks that you can sing along to, as singing itself can be a great mood enhancer.

    Music can be your ally in maintaining a positive mindset, even on challenging days. Embrace it as a tool for self-care and let it help you navigate the ups and downs of parenting. 🎶

    Using Music for Autism Spectrum🎼

    So, use your powers for good and use music to show love, happiness, or excitement. In our house, we also use music in a big way for worship. Jacob loves TobyMac, MercyMe, and many others to sing praise songs. It’s another way we connect and find joy together.🙌 #musicandautism #autismcoach

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  • 3 ways American Sign Language helped my son with autism speak in short sentences?

    Jacob struggled with speaking and communication, but learning sign language helped and made communication and talking fun! Jacob’s language delays often meant frustration and meltdowns because he couldn’t tell us what he wanted. The added sensory and movement of sign language was just what Jake needed to learn and increase his vocabulary.

     

    As a parent, watching your child struggle to communicate can be heart-wrenching. We’ve been there. Our journey with Jacob has had its ups and downs, but introducing American Sign Language (ASL) into his routine was a game-changer. Not only did it provide him with a new way to express himself, but it also bridged the gap between his thoughts and words, reducing his frustration and boosting his confidence.

     

    In this blog post, I want to share how ASL helped Jacob speak in short sentences and how it can benefit your child too. Whether you’re just starting out or looking for new strategies to support your child’s communication, I hope our story can offer some helpful insights and encouragement.

    Below is a snippet of a Facebook Live I did talking about using ASL with Jacob. If you want to watch the whole thing (not long) go to: https://fb.me/e/4uUE8RRw5

    The Challenge of Expressive and Receptive Language

     

    Jacob had a hard time with expressive and receptive language, so telling us what he wanted was difficult. This communication barrier often led to frustration and meltdowns because he couldn’t express his needs clearly.

     

    The Fun of Learning with Signing Time

     

    Learning sign language with the Signing Time videos for kids was fun. We were able to learn together, and Jacob enjoyed being able to show off his new skills. It was also a way to get new videos and books from Signing Time! 📚

     

    Reducing Frustration and Meltdowns

     

    Jacob wasn’t very successful at getting us to understand what he wanted beyond putting our hand on something. This often led to a lot of meltdowns on his end because he was frustrated. It was very upsetting for the rest of the family too. Once he started learning sign language, the frustration lessened because he was able to communicate. 🙌

     

    Building Vocabulary and Language Skills

    Should you use sign language with your child with autism?
    Using Sign Language helped to build Jacob’s vocabulary!

    Learning sign language helped build Jacob’s vocabulary and recall of words he wanted to use. The added sensory input and movement when using sign language was just what Jacob needed to start building short sentences and increase his language skills.

     

    Using Schedules for Predictability and Structure

    The zippered bags contain school work and a short book to read.
    Jacob’s daily school bags for the week!

    Using schedules also helps Jacob because he needs predictability and structure in his day. Before he started reading and learning sign language, we used visual schedules. Visual supports provide a clear and consistent way for Jacob to understand what is expected of him each day.

     

    For those interested in learning more about using visuals to create predictable systems, here is an interesting podcast episode that you can check out: SLP Coffee Talk: Visual Supports Can Create Predictable Systems with Tara Tuchel https://music.amazon.in/podcasts/7bfbbd30-594a-4cce-a4cf-1eb7145aaed4/episodes/3c6dde90-afb4-4154-999f-9ac408c468bc/slp-coffee-talk-visual-supports-can-create-predictable-systems-with-tara-tuchel)

     

    Enhancing Verbal Communication 🗣️

     

    Learning sign language did not decrease Jacob’s speaking to us with his voice; it increased it dramatically. Here is an article I found that supports what we experienced with Jacob. How Sign Language Can Help Your AutisticChild https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/autistic-child-sign-language/

    If your child is nonverbal and doesn’t increase their vocalization and speaking with their voice, so what! Speaking with sign language is still speaking and communicating your wants and needs. 🤟

     

    Your child will do whatever is easiest for them, and that should be good enough for anyone! Every form of communication is valid, and the goal is to reduce frustration and increase understanding. Celebrate their progress, no matter the form it takes.

     

    Engaging with Signing Time

     

    Jacob had fun learning language with the Signing Time videos. You can explore their resources here: Signing Time https://www.signingtime.com. It looks like they have digital downloads now, but you can also buy DVDs from Amazon. 📺

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  • Why does my child with autism love weekly trips to Harris Teeter?

    My Child With Autism Loves Harris Teeter

    Why does my child with autism love weekly trips? Well, first of all, Harris Teeter makes the best chocolate chip cookies. 🍪 Okay, maybe not better than mine, but I’m working full time, so they are the BOMB! Our weekly trips to Harris Teeter on Saturday are all about Jacob. He waits all week for us to make our Saturday morning trip.

    Jacob gets to choose his favorite items for the week, and it’s just me and him. 🛒 It’s a special time for us, and he thrives on the routine. I get my Saturday morning cold brew from Starbucks (I love my Harris Teeter ☕), and Jacob gets all his snacks for the week plus some one-on-one time with Mom.

    Children with autism love weekly trips because they love routine! Finding routines and special activities that your child enjoys can make a world of difference. It helps them feel secure and gives them something to look forward to. Plus, it’s a wonderful opportunity to bond and create happy memories together. 🌟

    Helping Your Child with Autism 🧩

    schedules over the years
    Jacob as a child with autism loves weekly trips!

    Does taking Jacob to Harris Teeter as part of our schedules/routines help him? Yes! He loves getting the attention and the freedom to choose snacks and fun items he wants during his week while we are all working and doing this thing together called “life.” 🛒❤️

    Teaching a child with autism to follow schedules is communicating with them. It’s also teaching independence and removing chaos.

    The Importance of Routine and Simple Choices

     

    Simple choices, attention, and a plan for the next week are my goals for Jacob. He is engaged with me and planning out his next week (okay, it’s snacks, but it’s also money management and understanding how his day will go while we are away at work).🗓️

    Creating the schedules and procedures in Jacob’s day/week keeps him happy, decreases anxiety, and allows him to live more independently as an adult. It also helps me keep things straight.💡

    Discover the benefits of routines for children with autism.

    Simple choices can reduce anxiety and foster independence. 🌟  Jacob loves his independence and does not want someone giving him things to do all the time. I don’t blame him I don’t want anyone micromanaging my day either. If a schedule can fix that, why not create one?

    When Jacob’s schedule gets behind, anxiety creeps in for him, and things will start falling apart for the rest of the family too. Hello, CHAOS! 😱 Keeping a structured routine not only benefits Jacob but also brings a sense of order and calm to our entire family. No Schedule for Jacob to Use This Week? No Peace! Autism Challenges 🧩

    Children with autism love having established and regular routines. This can be a game-changer for the child and the family. It provides a predictable environment where your child feels secure and empowered. 🌟 By involving your child in planning their week, you are teaching them valuable life skills and fostering their independence.

     

    Planning and Independence

    Jacob plans for his workers; he knows what they like and what he does with each of them. This planning helps him feel in control and prepares him for the week ahead. He enjoys doing different activities with different people and wants to know what his day and week will be like.📝✨

    Anytime there are changes that need to be added, like a doctor’s appointment, it’s easy to do because he’s used to seeing a schedule. For a child with autism, a calendar and schedule are their lifeline to a chaos-free day. 📅✅

     

    Seeking Reassurance and Stability
    CALM framework
    C.A.L.M.
    Consistent Action, Always Celebrate, Learn to Create Schedules, Mindset

    As soon as someone leaves for the day, he’s asking when they will be back. Even if he knows and it’s on his schedule, he wants reassurance that nothing has changed! This need for reassurance is common among children with autism, as it helps them feel secure and stable.

    If something needs to be changed like the weekly trip to Harris Teeter, we are saved because he can see it on the calendar!🔄🔍

     

    Connection and Practical Tips for Autism Parents

     

    Creating routines and involving your child in simple planning can significantly impact their sense of security and independence. The weekly trips, like our visits to Harris Teeter, can become meaningful rituals that provide structure and joy for the child with autism. 🌟

    When teaching a child with autism engage your child in activities they love. Give them choices. This shows them that you care about how they feel. These small steps help build their confidence and skills in managing their own lives. How I added games to my son Jacob’s schedule to promote socialization.

    Remember, it’s not just about the snacks; it’s about teaching a child with autism valuable life skills and creating special moments together. 🤗🛍️

    #autismcoach #autismsupport #autismchallenges #autismfamily

    Here is a link to the free guide:

    https://educatingjacob.myflodesk.com/o01di34gwl

     

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