parenting tips

  • 5 ways to regain my calm when my special needs child is dancing on my last nerve!

    #SmallActsOfCalm #SpecialLove
    Sometimes just a hug and redirection will calm strong emotions.

    Regain Your Calm With Your Special Needs Child 

    Parenting can sometimes feel like a never-ending circus—juggling tasks, managing emotions, and keeping everything from crashing down. Throw in raising a special needs child, and it’s like adding a high-wire act to the mix. Trust me, I’ve been there. But instead of letting the chaos consume you, let’s talk about how you can regain your calm using tools from the CALM framework and some good old-fashioned humor.  https://wordtoyourmotherblog.com/autism-parenting-tips/

    This is where mindset and a solid toolkit come into play. These five strategies will help you pause, reset, and return to parenting with a clear head.

    #parentingtip
    Help them find their calm.

    Finding Calm in the Chaos: Using the CALM Framework

    At EducatingJacob, we focus on CALM strategies, where the “M” stands for Mindset. Maintaining the right mindset is critical for parenting success and emotional well-being. It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress and learning to shift from reactive chaos to responsive calm.

    These strategies are part of the broader framework that includes visual schedules, which reduce anxiety and create structure for your child—and you. Let’s explore five ways to get back on track when your nerves are frayed.

     

    Children with autism often march to their own drum.
    Children with autism often march to their own drum

    1. The Gratitude Journal Getaway ✍️

    When you feel your patience slipping, retreat to your room with a gratitude journal. Writing down even the smallest victories can refocus your mindset.

    • Why It Works: A gratitude journal helps you shift from frustration to appreciation, reminding you of how far you’ve come.
    • How to Start: Jot down three things you’re grateful for daily—no matter how small. For example, “Jacob followed his visual schedule today!”

    Gratitude is a powerful tool to regain calm and confidence, reinforcing your ability to handle the challenges of autism parenting. How to achieve CALM on Autism Island, daily life on the spectrum.

     

    2. The Bath-Time Escape 🛁

    Sometimes, the best way to calm your mind is by soothing your body. A warm bath, a glass of wine, and relaxing candles can work wonders for your stress levels.

    • Why It Works: Relaxation lowers cortisol (your stress hormone) and gives you the mental reset needed to parent effectively.
    • Add a Twist: Listen to an audiobook, like a personal development book or a calming podcast, while you soak.

    A relaxed parent can approach challenges with more patience and creativity—key ingredients in implementing the CALM framework.

     

    3. Movie Magic with a Twist 🎥

    When Jacob’s movie-quote marathon tests my last nerve, I’ve found that turning to the magic of movies can be a great reset for both of us.

    • For You: Escape into a comedy or action-packed Marvel film to distract and recharge.
    • For Your Child: Use a favorite movie quote to redirect them during transitions or moments of frustration. This ties into their comfort zone and helps shift the mood.

    Visual schedules can even incorporate favorite movie times, creating a calming anchor in your child’s day.

     

    4. The Reading Retreat 📚

    Books are more than just an escape—they’re a way to recharge your mindset. Whether it’s a suspenseful novel or uplifting scriptures like Psalms and Proverbs, reading can ground you and help you refocus.

    • Why It Works: Reading helps you step outside your current challenges and gain perspective.
    • Bonus Tip: Keep a notebook handy to jot down quotes or ideas that inspire you.

    Incorporate reading time into your visual schedule to model calm, structured habits for your child.

     

    5. The Great Escape 🌳

    Sometimes, you just need to step away—literally. A quick trip to the grocery store, a cup of tea with a friend, or even a brisk walk can do wonders for your mental health.

    • Why It Works: Changing your environment can reset your perspective and give you the emotional reserves to reengage with your child.
    • For Your Child: Plan an outing that fits their sensory needs, like a quiet park or a familiar store, and include it in their visual schedule to reduce surprises.

    The goal is to return to parenting refreshed and ready to support your child’s needs without feeling overwhelmed. 

     

    Mindset + Tools = Calm Confidence

    Remember, the CALM framework is your ally:

    • C: Consistent Action Forward – Small, steady steps make all the difference.
    • A: Always Celebrate Wins – Recognize and reward progress, no matter how small.
    • L: Learning to Create Schedules – Use visual schedules to create predictability and ease transitions.
    • M: Mindset is Key – A positive mindset allows you to show up as the confident, calm parent your child needs. How to achieve CALM on Autism Island, daily life on the spectrum.

     

    Take Care of Yourself, So You Can Care for Them

    Parenting a child with autism is challenging, but you’re not alone, and you don’t have to do it perfectly. These five strategies are simple ways to regain your calm, shift your mindset, and return to parenting with renewed confidence.

    You’ve got this. And when it feels like too much, just remember: a calm, collected parent can change the whole energy of the home—and that starts with you.

    What are your go-to strategies for regaining calm during tough moments? I’d love to hear about them! 🌟

    🧐 Struggling with daily routines and meltdowns?
    🌟 As an autism parent coach, I help you transform chaos into calm by creating strategies that work for your family. 🌟
    📅 Schedule a discovery call
    👉🏼 Visit my contact page to get started: https://educatingjacob.com/contact/

    #autismcoach #autismparentcoaching #autismandepilepsy #autismfamily💙#autismmom😎 #autismboymom😎 #autismchallenges🧩 #AutismParenting #DoctorVisitSuccess #EducatingJacob #AutismSupport #CalmParenting #askmelissa

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  • How are using schedules improving our autistic child’s daily life?

    Using schedules for our autistic child has been a game-changer in improving daily life. As parents, we constantly seek ways to help our children manage their emotions, transitions, and activities more smoothly. For Jacob, our journey began with countless meltdowns and a struggle to communicate his needs. But through the implementation of structured schedules, we discovered a powerful tool that not only brought calm to our home but also fostered independence and confidence in Jacob. In this blog post, we’ll share how using schedules has transformed our daily lives and offer practical tips to help other families navigate the complexities of autism. 🌟📅

    Jacob completing a writing assignment on his chalkboard wall in his room.
    Jacob doing a writing assignment!

    The pictures in this blog post  are Jacob through the years, Jacob doing a writing assignment above. After his writing, was his reading and both were on his schedule for the day. The last picture is when he was born, pictured here with his big brother Nick. At the very bottom of this blog post is a picture from his  21st birthday.

    Using Schedules for the Autistic Child

    Aren’t schedules easy? I’ll just write down a checklist, and boom, I’m done, right? Why do I even need a schedule? In all my years as a “boy mom,” “autism mom,” and special education teacher, I’m begging you: HAVE A WELL-THOUGHT-OUT SCHEDULE. Some key elements of a good schedule are:

    1. Easy to maintain.
    2. Understandable at a glance.
    3. Simple enough to change daily (if needed).

    Above is Jacob completing a writing assignment from his schedule when he was 8 yrs old. His schedule was simple then with maybe 4 things on a list (or a row of pictures showing the activity) with something fun following actual work or chores.

    Let me help you avoid some common pitfalls:

    Once your child understands the concept of following a schedule, you can add to it slowly.  Don’t expect things to go  well the first couple of attempts. With Jacob he was very resistant to anything new and that continues to present day but the next time you ask him to do the task it’s no longer new. Yay!

    Using schedules for autistic child gives success!

    Problem: Controlling Emotions During Changes in Routine or Life Transitions

     

    Unstructured downtime for children who struggle with change and emotions is not a good idea. You may be thinking, “My child shouldn’t have downtime?” Of course, they should! It’s unstructured downtime that can be the problem. Life is full of transitions. When transitions = meltdowns, try the following: No Schedule for Jacob to Use This Week? No Peace! Autism Challenges 🧩

     

    – Use a Schedule: Help your child understand their day.

    – Be Consistent: Using the schedule so it becomes a routine.

    – Plan Ahead: You can add or remove things in the schedule (doctor appt., therapy, etc.).

     

    I’ve found that my son, and my students, do better when they see what’s coming in their day. Be proactive and set everyone up for success! 🌟

     

    Solution: Create a Simple Weekly Schedule

     

    The goal is to set the child up for success. It doesn’t need to be an elaborate, time-consuming schedule. If you overdo it, then your schedule is just going to do more harm than good. It should be simple enough that they understand what to do and you can be consistent in how you use it.

     

    How Can a Schedule Change Your Child’s Life?

     

    Notice the smiles in the pictures where Jacob is completing his daily work. The schedules turned the chaos into calm. When he was allowed to just play and watch TV or movies, he did not transition well from one activity to another. When I would ask him to transition to something else or even ask a question, there would be attitude. He was unable to hold conversations and process the speech as people are speaking. Between sensory and processing issues, he also hyper-focused on whatever he was doing and didn’t like being interrupted. 📅

     

    Tips for Creating Effective Schedules

     

    Schedules can start off as simple as two pictures stuck on paper with Velcro. The first picture shows an activity for your child (like brushing teeth), and the second is something your child loves to do (like a favorite movie or TV show).

     

    Once your child understands the give and take of the schedule, you can increase expectations and add more tasks. Jacob just turned 26, and he still loves the predictability of schedules, using them daily to have successful days. Currently, when Jacob completes his daily activities and chores for the week, he gets to order movies or something of his choosing from Amazon or eBay (his favorites). 📦

     

    Overcoming Challenges for a Child with Autism

     

    The initial challenges of creating and using schedules for autistic child are substantial. These kids tend to dislike change, and you’re essentially trying to change not only their way of communicating but also their daily habits.

     

    While introducing schedules, you’ll mix in activities they love (like playdough or swimming) between activities that might be new or less appealing. But don’t worry—this phase doesn’t last long. Once they realize how predictable and fun schedules can be, you’ll be able to sit back and enjoy peaceful moments watching a happy child work. 🎨💧

     

    Consistency is Key

     

    However, one crucial piece of advice to avoid meltdowns or setbacks: consistency. Do not reward your child unless they follow the schedule. Consistency is the key to success in this journey. ✔️

     

    Why Schedules Matter

     

    A schedule can give a sense of control and success. Children who have difficulty with transitions and emotion regulation need our help. The schedule can give a sense of control and anticipation to face the day better. Success! 🌟

     

    Practical Tips for Parents

     

    – Keep it Simple: Once your child understands the concept of following a schedule, you can add to it slowly. Don’t expect things to go well the first couple of attempts. With Jacob, he was very resistant to anything new, but the next time you ask him to do the task, it’s no longer new. Yay!

    – Use Visual Reminders: Sandwich the things your child dislikes between the things they like. If they give you push-back on an item, just point to the schedule. Use it as a visual reminder, and tell them, “If you want what comes next on the schedule then do this [task/chore/homework].”

     

    Autism Schedule Example:

     

    – Breakfast

    – School work

    – Chore

    – Movie or break item

     

    Let’s say the above is the start of Jake’s schedule. Breakfast is finished, and he’s asking for a movie. I point to the schedule without words showing the school work. Model what is next and refuse moving to the next item. Redirect without language showing the fun item is coming soon! The schedule isn’t negotiable, hold your ground, in the beginning, it’s tough but the payoff is worth it! 

     

    Using the Schedule for a Child with Autism

     

    The schedule needs to be easy to follow. Have clear expectations. You need to be consistent when using a schedule. You can’t put things on your child’s schedule they don’t know how to do on their own. My classroom schedule was so well-modeled that my students could guide my substitute teacher any day of the week. I wanted the substitute and my kids to have a great day if I had to be out. So, I put in the time and created schedules that they enjoyed using even in my absence. How Jacob has success daily without anxiety. #autismchallenges

     

    The Purpose of Schedules

     

    – Independence: Have the child understand their place and expectations within the family.

    – Reduced Anxiety: In school, the student needs to understand their place within the classroom and the expectations of the teacher.

    – Simple and Clear: The schedules need to be simple and easy to look at and understand at a glance.

    – Easy Instructions: You need simple instructions for small children or anyone who has a learning disability.

     

    By focusing on creating structured, easy-to-follow schedules for the autistic child.  Parents can help their children with autism navigate their days more smoothly, reduce meltdowns, and foster a sense of independence and success. 💪🌈

    • 4-things-about-jacob
      Jacob on his 21st bday with his favorite person, Mrs. Gwen!

       

      Autism Coach picture for CEO Coaching Directory
      Autism Coaching, part of the CEO Coaching Community. Click here for a free discovery call to see if you would benefit from coaching sessions with me! https://educatingjacob.com/contact/

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  • How do children with autism do better with a personalized schedule?

    How to Create a Personalized Schedule for Children with Autism 🗓️

    Hello, my name is Melissa, and I create schedules to help my son with autism achieve some independence and decrease anxiety! Today, I want to share with you how to create a personalized schedule for children with autism. Whether you’re a parent or a teacher, a well-structured schedule can make a world of difference in helping your child navigate their day with confidence and calm.

     

    My Journey as an Autism Parent

    I’ve been on this “boy mom” journey for 31 years and an autism journey for 22 years. While the “boy mom” journey has been the most exciting and joyous experience, the autism journey has been the most challenging, with its fair share of devastating and overwhelming moments.

    My family consists of myself, my husband David, and our two sons, Nicholas and Jacob. Over the years, I’ve earned a Master’s Degree in Special Education, certifications in Reading Foundations, and additional training after years of teaching. However, you don’t need a degree or license to teach your child—what you need is a deep understanding of their needs and a willingness to adapt.

    I believe God has used all of my experiences to bring me to my purpose: sharing my life experiences and solving problems by creating schedules for my son and many others in the classroom. I intend to fulfill this purpose through blogging, teaching courses, and creating content for teachers and parents.

    Why Schedules Matter for Children with Autism

    My purpose is to share how I solve problems by creating schedules for my son. Jacob is 27 years old and was diagnosed with autism between the ages of 3 and 4. Each year has brought different challenges and joys. Jacob was nonverbal until he was 4 years old, and while he has since learned to use simple words and phrases, he still struggles to carry on short conversations.

    Jacob’s moderate autism has made it challenging to teach him vital life skills without overstimulating him and causing a meltdown. One of the ways we’ve managed this is by creating a structured and predictable daily routine. By learning how to create a schedule for children with autism, we’ve been able to make Jacob’s days more manageable and less stressful.

    Building Structure and Predictability 🏠

    I built on his desire to have the days structured and predictable (school, community, chores). Using schedules has allowed Jacob to understand his day better. Everyone is happier when we know what we are doing during the day. I will start where we are now, and we will address earlier years in future blog posts. Moving forward, I will share pictures and videos for those who will find them useful. I create schedules for everyday life, school, doctor visits, or anything else that changes. Autism has caused problems making transitions, sensory issues, and communication, just to name a few. The schedules allow Jacob to feel in control of his day and this makes him happy. Learning how to create, customize, and implement various schedule(s) to communicate more effectively with your child (in my case, a child with autism) will make your family and child happier.

    One problem we solved is cycling laundry.

    Jacob always wants to wear soft t-shirts with no tags (sensory issues) and shorts. He also needs to understand why we wash clothes after each use. He believes it’s ok to wear his favorites over again without putting them in the laundry first. So, he was frustrated and felt we weren’t letting him wear perfectly good clothes.

    Problem: Child wearing the same clothes (even out of the dirty laundry).
    Solution: Laundry Schedule and garment bags.
    Creating Schedules to Improve Daily Life 🌟

     

    Creating a personalized schedule for your child with autism can greatly improve their quality of life by reducing anxiety and increasing their independence. Whether it’s managing daily routines like laundry or preparing for more significant events like doctor visits, a well-thought-out schedule can make all the difference. 4 Things I Wish I Would Have Known After Getting the Autism Diagnosis

     

    As an autism parent, I understand how overwhelming it can be to manage the various challenges that come with the territory. But I also know that with the right tools and strategies—like creating a schedule tailored to your child’s needs—you can create a more peaceful and structured environment for your family.

     

    I hope you find these insights helpful, and I look forward to sharing more of our journey with you. Stay tuned for future posts where I’ll continue to share tips and strategies for navigating life with autism.

    I decided to purchase five garment bags and label each according to its day, Monday-Friday (An excuse to buy vinyl and use my Cricut Maker!). In the first week, he was using them independently. Each garment bag contains clothes for the day, including clean underwear and socks. See the picture below. He likes his new clothes, and we don’t butt heads over his laundry anymore. Before the garment bags, his clothes were not being changed daily. Ugh, there is nothing worse than catching a whiff of a funky child (in this case adult)!

    The laundry schedule has worked to create the daily habit clean clothes.

    The laundry schedule has worked to create the daily habit of clean, nice-looking clothes for going out into the community. Yay! Another win; count them all, even the small ones.

    problem and solution for laundry schedule
    Created a daily Schedule to include a garment bag with clean clothes for the day.

    Jacob’s clothing preferences and re-wearing dirty clothes required a creative solution: Introducing a laundry schedule and utilizing garment bags in turn gave him independence. Jacob’s positive response earned the reward of amazon at the end of a successful week and improved hygiene habits.

    Creating Schedules to Improve Daily Life 🌟

     

    Creating a personalized schedule for your child with autism can greatly improve their quality of life by reducing anxiety and increasing their independence. Whether it’s managing daily routines like laundry or preparing for more significant events like doctor visits, a well-thought-out schedule can make all the difference.

     

    As an autism parent, I understand how overwhelming it can be to manage the various challenges that come with the territory. But I also know that with the right tools and strategies—like creating a schedule tailored to your child’s needs—you can create a more peaceful and structured environment for your family.

     

    I hope you find these insights helpful, and I look forward to sharing more of our journey with you. Stay tuned for future posts where I’ll continue to share tips and strategies for navigating life with autism.

    https://educatingjacob.myflodesk.com/tfgvkumbkg

    The family goal in 2024 is to keep CALM and move forward with purpose!

    Jacob pictured with his nana, brother and his favorite scripture
    Jacob’s favorite people-Nana and Nick- and his favorite scripture!

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  • Memorial Day Weekend Fun but your child with autism doesn’t do transitions!

    Ah, Memorial Day weekend—the promise of family, relaxation, and endless fun! While some are beach-bound, I’m embracing the staycation vibes (thanks, budget!). But here’s the twist: my son Jacob adores the beach, yet transitions? Not his forte. When you have a child with autism who doesn’t do transitions, you need help.

    So, how do we tackle this? Back in the day, it was all about car bags—packed with books, coloring books, and a trusty portable DVD player for those marathon car rides. Let’s dive into how to navigate transitions with humor, practicality, and maybe a sprinkle of beach magic for good measure. 🏖️

    Child With Autism 

    Transition activities can be a real game-changer when it comes to planning outings with your child with autism. Take, for instance, our beach trips. We’d start prepping the day before, chatting excitedly about the sandy shores and gathering up clothes and toys. Jacob used to love the whole packing ordeal—until it morphed into a 5-minute cycle of asking “beach?” on repeat until we actually arrived at the beach house. 🏖️

    Ah, the joys of parenting a child with autism—it’s like being on a rollercoaster ride where you’re never quite sure if you’re going up or down! But hey, every hiccup is a learning experience, right? The first time is always the toughest, so brace yourself for a bit of turbulence. But fear not, fellow parents, because we’ve got a few tricks up our sleeves.

    Visual Schedule For Child With Autism

    Visual aids are your new best friend. Seriously, they’re like magic potions that can turn chaos into calm faster than you can say “beach day.” Create simple visuals that signal the transition—whether it’s a picture of the beach, a packed bag, or even just hopping in the car after putting on beach shorts. Anything to give your child a visual roadmap of what’s to come.

    Parents who homeschool might want to checkout my previous posts on schedules:3 Ways Jacob’s Monthly Calendar and Daily Schedule Work on Autism Island!

    Sensory Toys For Autism

    And hey, why not make it fun while you’re at it? Turn packing into a game, complete with silly songs and maybe even a dance-off or two. The more enjoyable you can make the transition, the smoother it’ll be for everyone involved. Plus, who doesn’t love a little impromptu dance party, am I right? 💃

    Children with autism often have sensory needs that fidgets and the right clothes can help calm. Figure out what works best for your child, having a plan and creating a great environment will calm the chaos.

    Social Stories For Autism

    Ah, the power of social stories and videos—the secret weapons in our arsenal of autism parenting hacks! 📚🎥 When it comes to prepping Jake for a big adventure like the beach, these tools are absolute lifesavers. 

    Social stories are great for all children with autism but if you’re homeschooling it is amazing here is an article you might like on homeschooling. https://www.yellowbusaba.com/post/homeschooling-a-child-with-autism

    Storybooks For Teaching

    Jake eagerly flipping through a storybook filled with colorful illustrations of sandy beaches and crashing waves, his excitement building with each turn of the page. 🌊 Or better yet, him glued to the screen, watching a video montage of all the fun activities we have in store for our beach day. Talk about anticipation at its finest!

    But here’s the best part: these social stories and videos aren’t just one-time wonders. Oh no, they’re like the gift that keeps on giving. We can incorporate them into Jake’s schoolwork for the week leading up to our beach trip, turning anticipation into a full-blown educational experience. 📝 And hey, who says learning can’t be fun?

    And let’s not forget about getting creative! Whether it’s crafting our own personalized social stories or shooting a DIY video showcasing all the beach essentials, the possibilities are endless. So grab your phone, gather up some props, and let your imagination run wild! 🎬

    Autism Trip Checklist:

    1: Transition activities- when planning outings with your child who struggles with transitions. Take our beach trips, for example. Starting preparations the day before, we chat excitedly about the sandy shores and gather clothes and toys.  🏖️

    2: Visual Schedules- these guide your child with autism through transitions. Visual aids are essential for smoother transitions. Create simple visuals—a picture of the beach, a packed bag, or hopping in the car—to give your child a visual roadmap of what’s to come.

    3; Sensory Toys- making transitions fun for children with autism.Turn packing into a fun game with silly songs and maybe even a dance-off. The more enjoyable the transition, the smoother it’ll be for everyone involved. 💃

    4: Social Stories for Autism- prepare your child for adventures. Social stories and videos are lifesavers for prepping your child, like Jake, for big adventures like the beach. Incorporate them into your child’s schoolwork for an educational and anticipatory experience. Everyone today video on their phone, use it!

    5: Engage Your Child with Autism- from storybooks for teaching, with colorful illustrations of sandy beaches to videos and fidgets include them all! Social stories and videos are gifts that keep on giving. Incorporate them into your child’s schoolwork for an educational and anticipatory experience. Create Hype!!

    Autism travel checklist
    Grab some transition items and make them fun!
    Tips for Parents Of Children With Autism

    Mastering transitions with creativity! Craft personalized social stories or shoot DIY videos showcasing beach essentials. With creativity and the right tools, daunting transitions can become exciting adventures.

    Finding Joy In Parenting A Child With Autism

    Here’s to embracing the chaos, finding joy in the journey, and making memories that last a lifetime. After all, isn’t that what parenting is all about? Take a moment to assess the chaos, jot down where things are falling apart, and then get scrappy and creative. With a solid plan and structure, you’ll find your way through! 🚀

    So there you have it, folks—our tried and true formula for mastering transitions like a boss. With a little help from social stories, videos, and a healthy dose of creativity, we can turn even the most daunting transitions into exciting adventures. #autismchallenges🧩

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    Educating Jacob, free guide
    Click the link and download the free guide!

     

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